Sunday, April 17, 2011

OMG. What am I going to do with her?

I started a couple blog posts over the past few months, but did not deem any of them funny enough for public consumption. I'm not sure if it's because my kids were boring or my writing was boring. Anyway, I figured I could elicit a few chuckles with a post about my "mean girl" in the making.

My little Lulu Belle used to be sweet about 90 percent of the time. That percentage is decreasing at the same rate gas prices are increasing. I used to only joke that she was a "mean girl" in the making, but now I am getting seriously concerned.

I had been deluding myself into believing that Lauren was really only bratty at home. A couple weeks ago her preschool teacher told me Lauren said outright that she did not like a particular little girl and therefore did not want to play with her anymore. When her teacher told her that wasn't very nice, Lauren said she meant she did not like the apple posted on the bulletin board. I'm not sure if I should be proud of her quick although illogical thinking or embarrassed about her behavior.

Earlier this month I returned home from a quick overnight trip sans children, armed with a few small souvenirs. I presented Lauren with what I considered an adorable pink and white polka-dotted bunny. When I handed it to her, she scrunched up her nose and said, "I don't like this very much." I stared at her, willing myself not to yell, and then just grabbed the bunny and said I would keep it myself. So of course she changed her mind, suddenly fell in love with the bunny, and forced herself to cry big, fat crocodile tears until I gave it back.

I was sure--well, about 90 percent sure--that Lauren would not pull "I don't like this very much" with any other gift-givers. I was wrong. She said the exact same thing to her dance teacher when presented with a cute little ladybug toy as an end-of-semester trinket. My mom was the lucky one who had to deal with that incident. When I asked Lauren later what had happened, she said something about just not liking part of the ladybug. Whatever, kid. We're on to you.

Recently we were having lunch with some visiting friends. Lauren and my friend's daughter both got a mac and cheese kid's meal that included a yogurt tube. Lauren got strawberry and the other little girl got blueberry, but she didn't like blueberry. Lauren was unwilling to trade, even though she likes both flavors. I opted not to push the issue. Lauren, however, had to keep talking about her strawberry yogurt. She asked her friend if she liked strawberry or blueberry. I thought that might mean she was willing to trade. I was wrong, again. Lauren just wanted to drive home the fact that she was the one with the strawberry yogurt. The brat. Or maybe I should say "the sweet little girl doing something bratty."

Lauren's vocabulary is, well, advanced. Not in the sense of using sophisticated or scientific terms, but more in the sense of sounding like a teenager. Every conversation is peppered with "awesome," "that's SO cool" and even "OMG." When she sees her friends outside of school, they hug and squeal. At this point it makes me chuckle, but I know my mild amusement at her "valley girl-esque" behavior will not continue.

Especially if "OMG" is directed at me. That will NOT be awesome. Wish me luck. If her sassy attitude now is any indication of what is coming during her teen years, I am DOOMED.